maybe, just maybe

I saw Peters after lunch and what he gave was indeed ' a big matter'. And Uncle is right, it is 'perfect for me' but I am suspicious it may also be the BCF kiss of death.

The 'big matter' Peters and Uncle want me on is the pro bono program. They want to rebrand it and re-vamp it. I have suspected for some time that this may have been the secret ulterior motive that Uncle had for me when he threw the massive pay cheque at me to get me here. Strangely, a couple of months ago, I would have thought this was a brilliant opportunity. I think when I last mentioned my suspicions I even said some thing like 'what a dream, principled work and a corporate salary'! Now, I feel trepidatious about the whole thing.


Corporate social responsibility is treated as a bit of a necessary evil by most BCFs. It' s something they know they should do, because it looks good and clients like it, but really, they hate it because it doesn't give them any cash in their pockets. It's a bit like flossing, it's good for you but you hate it, so you give it a half-arsed effort occasionally and hope that it stops the rot.


It stands to reason then that anyone BCF wants to put on their pro-bono program is being treated as disposable because they are not bringing cash to the hip pocket of those who matter. This is why I feel incredibly unsure about being Pro-Bono Director. I have come to enjoy the weird dysfunctional family that is BCF since I have been here and I have this incredible desire to please and perform well. By BCF standards, this means bill above target and stay out of trouble. I seem to have failed pretty spectacularly on both those counts but nonetheless I am like a stupid puppy dog that doesn't learn and keeps coming back for more, wanting to finally make my owner happy.


With Uncle out of action still (and perhaps indefinitely - he has to have surgery to fuse a disc) I am not sure I have many other options. I could ask the other Partners for work (or even worse Ben), but when they are handing me this project on a platter it seems insolent to go behind their backs and try and find something else.


Maybe my freakish qualities are finally being realised and I will actually be the first senior associate to make partner based on pro bono contributions.


I mean, anything's possible, Peter Andre is married and has children.